washes whiter than white

Until this recent excursion into fostering I’ve only ever been on the cynical consumer side of advertising.  However, creating posters and web postings for re-homing my fostered babies has created an opportunity to re-visit advertising and estate agent speak and see it in a new and more sympathetic light. 

I’ve become aware of a whole new language developing  ….

Some direct translations:

Quite affectionate = won’t try take your hand off whilst feeding him

Very affectionate = won’t even let you sit on the loo without climbing on your lap

Playful = tears around the house generally trashing things

Very playful = tears around the house generally trashing things …  and then runs up the curtains

Healthy = he’s too quick for me to catch

Enjoys climbing = I can’t get him down from the top of the bookcase

And a new way of phrasing things:

May be best homed with. …..

 May be happiest with. ……

Her/his new humans will ideally be……..

As in:

Fluffy may be happiest in a home where gauntlets are regularly worn

Tibbles would be best homed with someone with experience of toties  = we all know that torties are little madams….we hope you know what  you’re letting yourself in for.

Tigger’s new humans will ideally have some prior experience of long haired cats = heck we had to shave him when he came into foster care, and even the bald bits seemed to have knots in them.  Good luck in the future.

Jasper may be better in a home where he can be the only cat = he’s done nothing but pick fights with my cats since he came into foster care.

Smudge may be ok with dogs = your poodle might have more chance of standing up to him than I had.

Hmmmm …. so how might I translate “tendency to spray, dribble and hump your arm whilst cuddling” I wonder …………..

location location location

It seems to me that it’s not so much what you do as where you do it that has the impact.  A small folded, sleeping cat can be quite inconspicuous … unless that is they choose to fold themselves right in the middle of the bed or settee.  The midgecat specialised in maximum impact positions which were perfected in her ability to lie diagonally across the centre of the bed forcing her human to assume an awkward sort of O shape around her.  This became an art from when her friend molliedog had a sleep over and they would contrive to each sleep diagonally but also perpendicular to each other.

Frodo demonstrated another variation on this theme the day he arrived in foster care.  Having lustily joined in a four part harmony with his foster mates on the journey home he lost his confidence and disppeared once in their room.  After some desperate searching and disbelief that a large norwegian forest cat could be lost in a room of that size, Biff and I discovered him wedged in about a 4 inch gap between filing cabinet and wall, jammed in along with a folding chair!  No amount of coaxing could get him out, indeed he appeared to be quite stuck with his head underneath him.  There was nothing for it but to move the filing cabinet ……. but that couldn’t be moved without moving the bookcase next to it …… and that couldn’t be moved without taking all the books off it …….. and then it couldn’t be moved without it falling apart so it had to be dismantled.  Two hours later with the landing piled high with books, and his foster mates climbing all over them, Frodo was released.  Bless him!